Till Dad Tears Him Apart
by ipoked-KiraandEdward-andlived
Summary: Funny NessiexJacob story about them getting married if Edward lets Jake live that long. Crap at summarys, i'm re-uploading it. 7 Years after Breaking Dawn. From writer of WifeSwap Vampire Editon.
1. Telling The Parents

**Twilight Fan Fict:**

**I do not own Twilight. Stephanie Meyers "Ahem" Fine! I don't own Edward either :( Me "*Sigh* Ok Edward you better come out of the wardrobe before she breaks my Furniture...again"**

**This was my first FF I've decided to reupload it since the Writers block has gone**

RenesemeePOV

"Do you think they'll be home yet?" Well in the cottage at least  
"'Cause they will. Have you see the way your bloodsu- family drives?" Jake has this big thing about if Dad makes a mistake he's the only one who gonna get killed. He wouldn't make a mistake...unless Jake had pissed him off. Like spraying Werewolves rock on the side of his car; twice in a week.  
"It's fun Jake and it's not scary either." I hugged closer to him it's freezing out here, dam snow!  
"Try telling that to your driving instructor." I replayed the memory in my head. It wasn't that bad what did he expect I was in one of Mom's Ferraris you just can't drive slow in one, it's like a law!  
"Well he just wasn't used to the kick outta dangerous speeds. Anyway I'm gonna tell them." Oh what fun this is going to be. I looked down at the ring on my finger, I think Aunt Alice is going to be the only one excited about this...I hope.  
"Why can't I tell them? I'd love to see the look on Edwards face when I tell him." Jake had gone off into Jake World who knows what goes on in there. I had to show him a random memory to bring him back.  
"Well as you already know my father HATES you and well do I need to jog your memory about what happened when mom found out about the whole Imprinting on me thing."He gulped so obviously my help isn't needed "And they're going to know that I skipped school again to be with you"  
"You could of been out with someone else." Since the boys in school have realised they don't have a chance and the girls are all arsey with me who else would I skip school with?  
"Like who"  
"A leppericorn." Sarcasm isn't his strong point.  
"Jacob"  
"Well it's not like we've haven't been up to anything non..educational." He raised his eye brows and grinned.  
"True it's been....VERY educational." The cottage wasn't far in front of us now but I could hear dad inside

_When I get my hands on that stupid dog Ok he does not sound happy._

"And the ring was-" I put my hand over Jake's mouth if I could hear Dad he could defiantly hear us and read our minds.  
"Clear you mind now. I can hear him so he can probably hear us; mind and mouth. And he's not in a good mood." Jake muffled something that sounded like when is he in a good mood. I glared and he shut up.

We ran most of the way back to the cottage. Jake can run pretty fast in human form. Not as fast as me and not as fast as when he's in wolf form but still a bit quicker than a normal human.  
I pushed the door open and everything when quiet.  
"Dad? Mo-" He was already there in front of me, disproving look on his face. Good thing I'd slipped my hand into my pocket before we came in.  
"Where have you taken her all afternoon mutt." He growled as he lightly tried to push me aside but I had to firmer lock on Jacob.  
"Dad don't worry we've been round Sam and Emily's all afternoon." It was a lie we'd been in Jake's room all day since Billy was out with Grandpa since he had the day off but Sam and Emily'll cover for us; they always do. I blocked that thought. Does this mean I'm gonna have to call Billy Dad now?  
The snarl Dad was about to let out abruptly stopped. He thinks highly of Sam lately with the whole letting me and Jake crash there and well the whole him stopping before killing me before I was born and stuff.  
"Anyway Dad well um...wait where's Mom?" Usually she's in here as soon as Dad.  
"She's in the house. I think Alice is trying to play Barbie-Bella again." Yeah she blew up about what Mom was wearing this morning. I escaped luckily by ducking into Jake's car "Why? What's the matter." I took a deep breath in and pulled my hand out of my pocket. Dad just stared at it then even though he doesn't need to his breathing got really heavy. I thought he was going to explode.  
"NO." He glared into my eyes, my grip around Jacob tightened. I must of hurt him since I heard him mutter Ouch.  
"Dad I'm 17. Just a year younger than Mom was, the same age as you more or less." I didn't need to read his mind to know what he was thinking, I'm 7 years old but I look 17. Well whatever.  
He must of read my mind. Opps. "I don't care. Look what happened. I love you Nessie but still I-" He snarled turned slowly to Jacob "You have 10 seconds to run Dog before I come after you." Jacob must have been thinking about earlier. Jacob turned to the door and phased. "1 2 10!" Dad was gone.  
I ran out the door yelling "Jake he maybe 90 odd years older than you but he can rip your throat out with one bite!" There's a sentence normal people don't hear every day.

Great now not only do i have to tell mom alone but I'm gonna be worried weather Jacob will come back in one piece. I remember the last time Carlisle had to piece him back together because Jacob took off his coat to give to me and Dad assumed he was stripping *Sigh*


	2. Jacob's In Trouble

**Hope you liked the first bit well here's the second. Rather random the parts in italics are the other sounds or convos going on**

**Disclamer:  
I don't Own Twilight, Edward or the others...they just party with me in Narnia occasionally...every other day.**

RenesemeePOV

Flipping great! I tried jumping the stream like I do any other day but no, thanks to Dracula and FrankinWolf out there i fell in! And some frog just jumped on my head, good job I've already eaten.  
As i walked in Uncle Emmett's laughter hit me. "AHHHH everybody hide it's the thing from the swamp!" I just threw some form of weed at him.  
"Where's my mom?" CRACKKK I think a tree just fell down.  
"Upstairs with Esme, what the hell was that." He was looking out the window. I headed straight upstairs I DO NOT need Aunt Alice getting hold of me right now.  
"Jacob's pissed Dad off again."

They we're in Dad's old room. I put my hand in my pocket only to find yet another frog. I let it bounce back down the stairs by its self. Must be fast because soon enough all I could hear was Emmett and Jasper.  
_Emmett? Is that a FROG?  
You know Jazz I think it is._  
_Yes but why IS there a FROG IN the house?  
I don't know it probably followed Nessie in since she looks like she's been swimming with them.  
Righttttt.  
BANGG That's my Frog!  
Emmett i was taking it outside not eating it.  
BANGG I said that's my frog I'm calling him Stevie You can call him Frodo for all i care just put him in a box or something.  
_Croak BANGG_ He's not a take away Jazz he's mine! Mine I tell you!  
_BANGG Croak SLURP _NO why? Why hurt Stevie!  
Emmett? YOU just ate Stevie not me.  
_CRASHES

This brought Esme out running mom on her heels.  
"What the hell is going on down there! Hello Ness- Renesemee." She hugged me and ran off down the stairs.  
"Renesemee what happened to you!" Mom looked at me then zoomed in on the ring. Opps I knew I should of put that back. "Renesemme why is there"  
"Jake proposed to me We're getting married I'll be moving out Thanks for your blessing I'll see you at home by-" She grabbed the back of my well Jake's coat and nearly ripped it in two.  
"I don't think so young lady you're not leaving yet."  
_WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY TABLE!_  
_It was his fault_ Both uncle Jasper and Emmett said that  
_ CLEAN IT UP NOW!  
_CRACKK _Esme PUT the table leg down_ CRASHH

Back in Dad's room. I told Mom about how we skipped school and went down to La Push and Jake proposed to me on the beach and I said Yes so we went and told Billy straight away. I can't say he was overjoyed but I guess since he didn't react like Dad that was the best reaction we can expect. I left out what we did next not a good idea to tell anyone.  
Mom was quiet for a minute "Well I don't know what to say. I'll give you my blessing Hunny but I think your too young"  
"That's what Dad said." I grunted.  
"What! You told your father before me"  
"You didn't know I thought you would of guessed by all the noises outside"  
"That's not thunder"  
"No that's Dad's reaction to getting Jacob as a son in law"  
Mom let out a long sigh "C'mon lets go find you father before Jake ends up in a stretcher again."

Just as we got off the top step Aunt Alice got hold of me. Not now, not when Jake's about to become worm food.  
"Renesemme! Have you set a date for the wedding when are you moving out where are you going on your honeymoon?"She was bombarding me with questions and she hasn't mentioned the state I'm in once wow what's wrong usually I would have been in my closet made to try on nearly everything.  
"Aunt Alice can we talk later Dad's about to butcher Ja-" Right then there was a massive CRACKK and a pain filled howl "Mommmm that doesn't sound good."


	3. Edward's Has NinjaVampire Skills

A re-upload

Disclamer:  
I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the characters. And Stephanie's grounded them for a week due to the Narnian's moaning over the Noise...*Mutters* Spoil my fun why don't you. I'll just hang out with Stevie The Frog's Little brother Jimbob and Joey since i own them and all...

JacobPOV

I phased back once we hit a clearing and pulled a few splinters out. Thanks to good old Edward I ran into a tree! Luckily I saved my underwear, yeah that's what I want my futur Father-In-Law seeing me naked! Story for the grandkids right there.  
"Great you pick Bella and my meadow to get killed in mutt." Ohhh so this was that meadow Huh we killed Loran or whatever his name is...well was over there. Dam bloodsuckers tasted nasty. Edward growled at that, oh i'll give him something to growl at. I imagened Bella back when he left her about 8 years ago now. Wow. "You're only making it worse for yourself"  
"The pain of you killing me will be nothing compared to what Nessie's gonna give you when she finds out." Trust me I know from experiance when I killed her fish and she was only about 5 years old in looks that is.  
"It's a risk I'm willing to take. You've been a pain in my ass for 8 years now."  
"Soon I'll be a pain-in-law." Nessie's right my jokes are bad.  
"You won't be anywhere near my daughter." Haha that made me chuckle. I phased back and as I did I must of thought about earlier again since next thing a knew he snarled even more animal like than usual and I flew into a tree. Ouch thats something broken again. Ouch Ouch thats more than one thing. I howled in pain, I wasn't getting up anytime soon.  
He was circling now very quickly like he was hunting me or something. Wheres the pack when you need them dam it.  
_All they ever do is play toncil hockey. She's my own cousin she could at least pay me some respect and not throw herself over him while I'm there_ Oh great Leah ya know she's got a boyfriend now called Joey yet does she quit moaning about Sam no!  
_Leah, Leah help. One of the blood suckers has be pinned Me help you?  
__ Go call on Nessie you puppy_  
_Yeah Leah it's her dad_ Who was slowing down i should add  
_Oh this i gotta see!_ _Edward finally realised you sleeping with his daughter? Can I have your car when he kills you?_ Seriously one of these days I'ma eat one of her cats

Just as Edward was about to pounce something knocked him in the air "Edward Cullen don't MAKE me restrain you!" Bella had shoved him. Ya know I could never love her New-Born streght more.  
I just about managed to phase human again Nessie turned up. I couldn't help laughing at her she looked like the Anti-Alice had got hold of her and chucked her in a lake!  
"Jacob stop laughing do you want me to set dad on you again." Then she muttered something in a vampire tone so I couldn't hear. Edward growled and just looked at Nessie.  
"Don't worry I'll be back to normal in a few hours." I smirked. Both Edward and Bella nearly lept to tear me apart. I flinched and howled in pain again, Edward knows some Ninja-Vampire skills I tell you.  
Edward snickered in the back ground and this time Bella held Nessie back "Dad YOU did this to him now go fetch Carlilse!" As she sat down to check me over she muttered "Over protective idiot." Low enough that I just about managed to hear. Aww she's definatly my type of girl.  
"She's right Edward behave or else LATER is off." Edward tightened his fists and ran off.  
"MOMMM ewww did you HAVE to mention that around me?"  
Bella just giggled to herself and poked me "Yep his leg is definatly snaped."


	4. It's Only Kidnap If You Disalow It

**Disclamer:  
I Don't own Twilight, Edward, Robert Pattinson (Dam Stephanie took him from me) or any of the other Twilight characters. Since I was a little bored earlyer I thought I'd go pick on James Me:...HAHA Edward kicked your ass James: Bite me!  
Me:...Alice kicked your ass as well! You got owned by a girl.  
James: I have sharpe and pointy fangs ya know Me: I have a werewolf cuzion James:...Touché**

RenesmeePOV

"Jacob stop being such a baby." Carlisile was patching his leg where Dad had snaped it. Uncle Emmett was already making jokes stupid Vampire. Jake just glared at me  
"It's you own stupid fault mutt replaying memorys." Obviously Dads not sorry...yet. He's the one who's gotta walk me down the aisle.  
"Jacob why must you provoke him with them? It happened years ago." Mom sighed. Ahh the "forest" memory. Mom hates it when he replays it as much as Dad does, it's just Dad's...well Dads Dad.  
"'Cause he's mean to me." Oh grow up. I moved me leg into his he cringed in pain  
"Sorry my bad." Heh heh  
"Well while we're here why don't we talk about the cause of all this." I hate you Jacob Black sometimes i really do. "So me and Nessie are gonna get married sometime soon"  
I elbowed him "We WANT to get married." I showed him a quickened movie of Mom's "Inprinted" reaction and Dad's. He nearly decapitated the space between Jake's legs.  
"Fine. As I was sayiing we wanna get married here like you two did. Since if we do it down at the Resavation it might get a bit...hairy." I wasn't the only one to sigh at his cheap joke "So can we have it here? Or are we going to Vagas"  
Mom and Dad exchanged a look and Dad nodded at Carlisie. Aunt Alice just jumped up and grabbed me "You ARE NOT getting married at some drive through window in Vagas. I swear Edward if she has to I'm dressing you like a woman for a YEAR. Look into my mind Edward Cullen you KNOW I'm not kidding." A mentally scared face washed over Dad, both Mom and Jake giggled. "I don't know what your giggleing at Mrs Cullen your wardrobe has plenty of room for a shopping spree every day for atleast a month."  
"Fine she can have it here BUT we want werewolfs on the minimum." Dam mom, they throw a good party. Dad stomped off to sulk.  
_Me and Emmet bet you $5000 that Edward kills or seriously injures Fido in there before the big day _Great Aunt Rosalie Uncle Emmet and Jasper are betting on Jakes pain...again _DEAL!...Edward SERIOUSLY sort your emotions out before entering the room would you.  
I'll raise you two thousend that i have him dead and buried before they set the date_  
All three _DEAL!  
_"Just because Jake's hearings usless doesn't mean I can't hear you"  
_I'd make sure she's sleeping, far away before you slaughter it or the next BBQ we have'll be you_  
"Stop givving him idea's Emmet!" Jacob looked at me enquizitivly. So I just showed him the convosation.  
ALice grabbed me "C'mon it's dress shopping time!"  
"Erm Aunt Alice? It's 9:45." No where other than Wall-Mart's open at this time and we all know Aunt Alice's crazy fellings about shopping there.  
"Not in England it isn't." She smiled evily.  
"Mom. Mom help me! This is kidnap." She's still a Newborn she's stronger than Aunt Alice.  
"Not a chance she'll drag me with you. And it's not kidnap hunny I'm not disalowing it." Dam it I looked towards Jacob maybe she'll think diferently now I'm leaving him to the devices of my Father "Don't worry Renesmee. I won't let you Dad kill him"  
I gave up fighting, all hope was gone. I was going to England, the better have something nice to eat over there.  
Uncle Emmet jumped over the back of the sofa _So Jake got any good stuff I can have once Edward's made you into a rug?_


	5. Scones, Tea Rooms And Wedding Dresses

**Disclamer:  
I don't own Twilight, EDward, Robert Pattinson (I'll get him back some how...) or any of the other characters. Aww I'm not aloud to pick on James anymore since he bit Stephanie in a temper tantrum...**

**NOTE: 1. Yes I am English 2. Renesmee's in England I will right the money with the Pound sign= £ 3. Dollars are around 1 pound in English money 4. OK this one might not be as funny as usuall sorry guys**

RenesmeePOV  
"Nessie stop it. CUT IT OUT. Ooo you'd look bea- I said cut it out!" I'm determened to MAKE ALice feed me dam it. Hmm I'll show her my birthday cake this time "Fine! What do you want?" Mission complete.  
Hmm I looked out of the window we're pretty high up why London needs a 7 floor Wedding dress shop I'll never know. It's Macdonald's or a Tea Room. Scones with with jam and cream mmm but fries with tomatoe ketchup...no definatly the scones cause they have other types of cakes...CAKES! "Tea Room"  
"Nessie if you wait half an hour we could go to the nearest forest."  
"Nope hungry not thirsty how bout you wait till I'm finnished then you can go to the forest." We we're in Vampire tone now don't need any random humans givving us strange looks...again. Since Aunt Alice found her Bridesmaid dress and screamed louder then Emmett when he see's fake falmingos.  
"Haha your not getting out of dress shopping that easily. Your Mother has tried them all before." Dag nab it!

Mmm scones. Haven't eaten them since me and Jake went to Epcot a couple of years ago. Haha that was the day hardely anyone was at the park and Aunt Alice had a vision of Jake kicking dad off the railings into the river. But Dad moved in time so Jake ended up knocking Carlilse in instead.  
I love Tea Rooms nice food, quiet and frilly with laces and stuff. Kinda reminds me of Aunt Rosalie's room. But this palce is a LOT less scary!  
Aunt Alice was just staring at me amuzed "What."  
"I still can't see how you can eat human food." Duh I am HALF human "C'mon try a bit you know you wanna!"  
"No I don't I'll stick to dear that'll do me." Wussy... Anyway all of a sudden as if from know where she pulls out a book in french. "Right I've marked couple of pages" Couple of 100 pages "which gowns that would look beautiful on you. So have a good look." She grabbed the scone in my hand, disapeared in a blur and was back in less than a second.  
"Hey! I was trying to eat that!" Bet she wouldn't try that with mom. Pfft why couldn't I get 10 years of being a new born dam it!  
"Cakes'll make you fat. Now less eating more reading." Yeah a Vampire get fat! Dam Pixie. It's a good job Jake isn't having to pay for the dress or wedding cause he'd never afford it. £15,000 for a dress just wow. Oh the prices just went up by £10,000.  
"Anything?" Aunt Alice asked obviously bored out of her mind when i shut the book a few minutes later. "No I-" She'd put the bill and tip, some one was going to be £10 up, on the table grabbed my arm and yanked me out the resturant.  
"Right you've left me NO choice I'm finding you a dress weather you like or not and if I have to pin the dress to you so Edward needs to carry you down taht aisle to get you to wear it I will." I'm scared.

This is the 7th dress I've tried on today. That's it I'm calling mom. Just as I flipped open my cell phone a hand came through the dressing room cloth and snatched the cell right from my hands.  
"Renesmee Carli Cullen don't MAKE me come in there!" Pfft  
"Fine!" I rushed the thing on "Come in." I pouted like the 7 year old I should look like.  
"Oh Nessie I...I just look in the mirror." I turned round before she back handed me like the last time. I couldn't believe it I...I thought I'd hate it but it's so pretty. It's all puffy at the bottom with Lace an Ruffels swirling up the the top is a one shoulder strap with flowers on. "This is the one. Definatly this one." She took a picture on her phone and sent it to mom. I usually hate dresses but this i would wear a thousend times over! I can't wait to get home and show it to everyone.

**Pics might be on my profile if i can get 'em workin**


	6. Is It A Bird? A Plane? No Its A Werewolf

**Ok guys yes this is a name change the old one was boring. I was in such a rush to start it back last year - :O - I couldnt be arsed to think up a cool nameXD**

**Also I wanna recomend a story that I love although it is quite sad it's called Horizons by Megsly and Once More With Feeling by Illusor Meaneld if you're a Final Fantasy 7 fan like me :D**

**Disclamer:  
I don't own Twilight, Edward, or any of the other character. But we are putting on production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show on this weekend *Mutters* If Stephanie'll let Edward play Dr. Frank-N-Furter....HE LIKES IT!**

RenesmeePOV

2 hours he has replayed that dam song! Silver bullets are starting to sound like a good idea to me.  
"Jacob turn it off"  
"Nessie no. Nessie get- get off it! NOT THE WINDOW!" CHRASHH "Nessie I had that before you we're born!" I hate Soulya Boy more than Dad hates Jake and thats saying something. I will make sure that song isn't played at my wedding if its the last thing I do.  
Jake's friends Quil and Embry we're snickering in the corner _Someones PMSing today_ I heard Embry whisper. I let out a large snarl. You gotta love vampire hearing.  
Quil stood up, grabbed Embry's top "Er we'll be going now later Jake, Ness-" Another snarl cut him off; Mom's. 7 years on and she still get's pissed over people calling me Nessie. Quil and Embry we're outta the house before you can say Bloodsucker.  
"OI! That's my CD. I paid good money for that!" Quil had just rumaged through whats not crushed in Jacob's CD player and taken his CD. "That's it Quil!" Jake jumped right out the window and landed in wolf form three floors below and ran off into the forrest. Yeah Esme and aunt Rosalie turned dad's old room into another room for me since I Spend more time in the main house than the Cottage.  
_Esme? Am I seeing things or did a werewolf just drop from the sky?_ Carlisle was obviously in the kitchen, its directly three floors below Dad's old room  
_Your losing your marbles old man_ Emmett laughed  
_No, I saw it too_ Esme said confused  
_Maybe Nessie finally dropped that dog off the roof_ I could hear the hope in uncle Emmett's voice. My snarl answered his question as I came down the stairs.  
Uncle Emmett was on the sofa with aunt Rosalie on his lap painting her nails. Carlisle and Esme were in the kitchen cooking my tea, mmm garlic and cream potatos. Yes we're not alergic to garlic..well I'm not anyway.  
"No Quil stole his Soulya Boy CD and Jacob chased after him"  
_Wait a minute I lent Jacob that CD! OH HELL NO!_ Uncle Emmett was off through the door before aunt Rosalie had time to get off. So she stayed on the floor and turned back to paining her nails _THATS MY CD! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR NECKS FU-_ He fell straight over the broken player and went head first into a tree We all laughed and turned back to Esme who still looked confused "But..the other two left before jacob and through the door"  
Uncle Emmett untangled himself from the tree _Why in the hell is there a bloody CD player masacared out here!_  
"Theres your answer." I pointed to uncle Emmett who was throwing a bit of the CD player at the tree before running off again "Jake went after them to get it back but took a quicker" I made quoatation marks with my fingers "route. Don't worry he phased as he jumped so the room is still in one peice." Esme sighed with relif

An hour later I was just finnishing my potatoes when Uncle Emmett came back in covered in what looked blood and mud. I jumped up causing the dish to flip into the air but caught it "Uncle Em PLEASE say that isn't wolf blood"  
Esme ran in with a mop handle holding it ninja style "Blood what blood?!? Emmett McCarty Cullen if you take ONE step into my lovely house and drip blood so help you i'll-"  
"Hush woman" CRACKK Esme hit him anyway, i couldn't help but snicker "OW! It's not blood anyway it's paint. They-" She shoved the handle into him so he took a a step back.  
"Thats even harder to get out the carpet"  
He sighed "Fine i'll get undressed out here but atleast let me finnish telling Nessie the story first wo..I mean Mom." Esme went to put the handle back "Anyway when I caught up with your stupid mutt and co they were restling over the CD by one of 'em's houses" Yeah since the whole 'Jacob's imprinted on a half breed vampire baby' thing the treaty except for biting someone in town, has been called off "and I told 'em since it was my CD neither was keeping it. Turned out they were fighting over something else so they threw the CD to me but as I caught it, I knocked into some scafolding. Sending three tins of red paint down on me!" This time I just burst out laughing. "Go ahead and laugh Nessie I'll paint your hair blue as you sleep tonight." He grumbled.  
"Try it Emmett and I'll beat you everyday until I lose my new born strenght." Yay mom's here! Uncle Emmett grumbled something so low even the us vampires couldn't hear and started to undress. Mom gave him a funny look then realised he was covered in paint "Esme won't let you in the house with paint on you then." She snickered and walked in "C'mon Renesmee Were all trying on the dresses."

Dad had brought in the dresses and went to get his Tux on. I hadn't even had chance to get mine on all the other four girls in our family were to busy drooling over it, I was sat in the corner in my underwear texting Grandpa Charlie that I was getting married. Yeah mom's not long ago taught him how to text, he just got his first cell phone last month for his birthday..it took him two weeks to learn how to turn the thing on.  
Grampa C  
I bet yore Dad isnt happy  
Me  
No he near enough ripped his head off when we told him last week  
Grampa C  
watt did yore mom say?  
Me  
Shes wasnt 2 happy bout it but said ok as long as i keep jakes m8s 2 the min  
Grampa C  
Ahh i c tell yore mom 2 ring me l8a. Ive got 2 go 2 work now lve u

Mom attempted to teach him text talk, and failed..miserably.  
"Mom grampa said call him later. MOM"  
"What?..Oh ok I'll call him later." She went back to staring with the rest of them *Sigh* It's a good job i don't feel the cold, 'cause it looks like I'm going to be here for a while...


	7. The Invites Are Out

**Heya guys! I don't know if i mentioned this but I do origanal stories at home and was thinking of uplaoding them on my own site would any one be interested? I will upload them on my friend Jashley's site www. yourownstories .webs .com(yeah it wont let me post without the spaces) - it's really good have a look.**

**Please Read:  
Also there is a 'Sequel' to WifeSwap Vampire Editon up called Anything You Can Do I Do Better. I'm co writing it cheak it out!**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the other characters. Yes the play went well untill Bella fell of the stange bringing me down with her dam it...I hurt my head cuz Edward saved Bella first *mutters* I'm the human but NO aparently the clumsy Vampire might still get hurt *growls***

JacobPOV  
Me Quil and Embry we're trying to clean up the mess outside Embry's new house before Lisa gets home. Yeah he was out clubbing one day after Nessie was born and imprinted on a girl called Lisa. They're now married.  
"Aww man stupid bloodsucker! Lisa is SO going to kill me. We didn't even get chance to paint even the front of the house." Embry picked up the empty can and threw it as far as the eye could see.  
"Emb your gonna have to quit calling them Bloodsuckers they're gonna be like our friends-in-law or summin." Quil just had to remind me that the bloodsuckers are gonna be my in-laws soon. I'm not livving with them NO way.  
"Great another thing to explain to Lisa 'Hun it's Jake and Nessie's wedding. They might get a little arsey with you, they don't hate you they hate us. With us being werewolfs and them being Vampires...oh yeah I forgot to tell you Nessie's half vampire didn't I?' What a great converstation that'll be! She's going to lock me in the closet again isn't she?"  
"Well atleast you don't have a Karate-learning nine year old locking you in the closet..." Poor Quil, Claire can easilly bring down Werewolfs since she's been learning Karate, she even made Nessie cringe from a kick.  
"I'll tell Lisa for you if you want? Maybe she won't stab you like she did when you phased infront of her." I laughed. I'll never forget that day; Nessie had to restrain her because she went so crazy...come to think of it that was the day before they got married. I glanced at my watch 8:10pm OOPS! I was supposed to be at my suit fitting with my evil Vampire-in-laws 40 minutes ago, my bad! "Talk of getting stabbed I better get back to the Cullen crypt before one of them bury's me in their tomb"  
"Good luck. If I'm not dead by then I'll meet you in the clearing at 12." I nodded, phased and ran back with the wedding invites out now (whitch the soon to be leaches-in-law have been out had delivering all day) more mini wolves have been phasing lately so were patroling in shifts to make sure only the invited Bloodsuckers are apearing.

I was near enough an hour late by the time i reached there. As I phased back I could hear Edward throwing a tantrum like the 7 year old Nessie should be.  
_57 minutes late Renesmee!  
He'll be here dad Emily phoned and told me the mess uncle Em_ made By her tone she'd been repeating this for half an hour atleast 58 minutes late.  
_If he turns up this late on the wedding day I'll turn him into a carpet for our house quicker than you can say wolfbloof!  
_Just as she was about to say something I walked in a scooped her up into a hug "Have no fear! Your walking carpet is here!" Edward let out a small snarl. 7 years hes been letting them out and still Bella's sound more menicing.  
"Dad the carpet will meet you upstairs in a mintue or two." Throwing me a look Edward took his leave.  
"WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN JACOB BLACK!" She glared at me until I back into a corner "My dad was about to beat you into a puppy-sized pulp."  
I chuckled "Your dad may have some Ninja-Vampire skills hun but I could win him in a fair fight."  
She sighed "Ninja-Vampire skills? Jacob I'm not even gonna ask. And yes Jake you might be able to win against most of my family, Emmett; NO chance. Mom; with one flick of her fingers there'd be a jacob sized whole through a wall and a couple of trees." Ok that is true. "Right upstairs now"

I did as she said, they we're in Alice's room, already dressed. I walked in and had a suit thrown at me, I quickly dressed. Jasper looked pained; he was trying to calm all the emotions down; maybe even his own. Only Carlilse seemed to atleast like me in the tinest bit. But I don't think even he liked the idea of Renesmee and I getting married. Once I was dressed everyone stared at me, well glared except for the father figure. Rosalie and Alice soon graced us with their presence. They gave us all a good look up and down and I'm guessing they spoke to the others in that tone they have which only other leaches can hear.  
They both gave me an even quicker look up and down before Rosalie growled "You can go now DOG." Shame I had nothing to throw or hit her with this time. I waited for them to leave before undressing. Then I threw the stuff at Edward and carried on out the door. I was glad to be away they were like perverts watching me!  
"Jacob we have some visiters apearing tonight just be careful around them please." I grunted in reply before jumping out a window and phaseing. Tonight was gonna be a long night!  
_Carlisile!_ I heard Esme shout _It's raining werewolves again! And they better be live ones because I am NOT cleaning that up!_


	8. The Green Haired Monster & The HalfBreed

**Hey hopes u all like the new name! What you guys think about that site with my own Origanal stories on?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Edward (Yet) or any of the other characters. Jacob's stopped talking to me at the moment since I drew Jacob was here on Bella and told Edward Jacob did it. Edwards room is completely wrecked my bad XD**

RenesmeePOV  
I was being slowly awakened, I looked at the clock 2am. What the hell urgh stupid unsleeping Vampires! If aunt Alice wants to play Renesmee Dress up, I'll throw the dam Pixy out the window!  
'Renesmee, Renesmee.' A woman said softly to me. I managed to open my eyes, the woman on my bed looked like Tanya from the Denali Coven. They're like our extended family.  
'Tanya?' I asked sleepily, she smiled at me.  
'Sorry to have waken you little one, well you're not so little anymore.' She laughed to herself 'Well I shall let you go back to sleep-'  
'No, no I can get up if you want I'm not tired.' I yawned, ok maybe I was. She chuckled blew me a kiss and left, I was straight back to sleeping before she'd even shut the door.

It wasn't long before a loud noise woke me up again. 4am!  
_Emmett Cullen get your ass back here! _I could hear aunt Rosalie screaming  
_C'mon Rose I didn't mean it! It was Dayco's idea!_ Dayco? Who the hell is Dayco  
_Emmett you're 80 years older than him you should know better!  
_Chrashh _Um miss Rosalie it's wash in wash out It'll be gone in about two weeks_ A boyish voice called out in a strong Spanish accent  
_Two weeks? TWO F**KING WEEKS! I'm going to rip you apart Emmett Cullen_ Chrashh Crackk Bangg  
_I think it would be best if the rest of us went to the dining room for a while, you too Dayco_ If Carlisle is ushering them into another room it's gotta be bad There was a noise like thunder from coming up the stairs, I was out of bed just getting dressed since there's no way I'm going to get anymore sleep in this house.  
_No where else to run Emmett!  
_My door flew open and uncle Em came running in. I grabbed the quilt in time so he didn't see me naked. Urgh the quicker I'm married and out of both of these house's the better!  
'My bad Nessie! And I promise to fix your window.'  
'What do you mean fix my windo-' The glass shattered. He jumped straight through my floor length window! Next in was Aunt Rosalie. She ran to what's left of my window.  
'I won't kill you to quickly Emmett because once Esme see's the window, you'll be begging for death!' I had to stop myself from keeling over with laughter Rosalie's hair was a bright green! She had a shampoo bottle in her hand. AHAAHAH they must of put hair dye in her shampoo bottle.  
'Don't you dare laugh Renesmee or I'll make you walk downstairs WITHOUT that quilt.' I gulped and she jumped out of the window well hole in my wall now. I walked to the hole and looked out. Uncle Em was laughing while dodging objects Aunt Rosalie was hurdling at him, from up here she looked like some form of Gremlin.

I walked into the dinning room and there sat around the table were 9 vampires. Carlisle, Esme, uncle Jazz, Aunt Alice, Tanya, Kate, Carmen, Eleazar and a boy about 13 years old. He had shoulder length red hair with eyes the colour of the Ocean; this must be Dayco.  
I sat down next to Esme who hugged me. 'Uh where's mom and dad?'  
'They're um preoccupied. At the moment.' Esme blushed. EW!  
'Congrats on your engagement Renesmee! I can't believe how fast you have grown up.' Kate said to me. Carmen nudged her. 'Oh yes I forgot! Renesmee this is Dayco.' I nodded to him, he held out his hand I shook it, a cold shiver went up my arm.  
_Ola Renesmee, I like you am I half breed, I'm so glad to meet another!_ I yanked my hand back everyone else laughed. He didn't speak those words out loud.  
'You see, Renesmee like you he doesn't always see the need to speak. Once he has touched a person he can communicate through his mind, then he and the other person can speak through their minds instead of aloud.' Carmen laughed, I was still stood their dumbstruck.  
_Are you ok Senorita Renesmee? _His voice snapped me out of it  
_Yes I'm fine just...just amazed. _I decided if he was going to speak though his mind I might as well  
_Is it true you also have a power?  
_I put my hand on his cheek showing him the memory of when I first met the Denali Clan but I left out the whole 'Volturi are gonna come kill my family and friends because some woman I never properly met used me to get revenge for a grudge she held against them' thing.  
_Impressive_ He chuckled  
'Morning everyone. Nice to see you again Tanya.' Dad said as he hugged her 'Kate, Carmen, Eleazar.' He nodded to them then moved on to hug the rest.  
'Um why is there a green-haired Rosalie chasing Emmett in the forest?' Mom came over to kiss me. So I showed her my memory of this morning's WW3 with my free hand. 'Ahh I se-'  
Her vision swept along my other hand to Dayco. 'Mom this is Dayco. He's a half-breed like me.' I smiled. Mom looked stunned. I could tell what she's thinking; Nahuel's father's been making children again.  
She went to greet the Denali's 'What time did you arrive?'  
'About 2am,' Tanya kissed mom's cheek 'I think that might be the reason the little one's up this early. I went in to tell her we were here I forgot she needs to sleep.' They both laughed then had a discussion about how I'd grown ect ect.  
My stomach started to rumble 'I;m going to get some food, wanna come Dayco?'  
_Sure hope you have cereal!_  
Everyone else was too into their conversations to notice us getting up.

I got a bowl two bowls out of the cupboards for us and filled them with Golden Nuggets. We sat their munching on our breakfast. Communicating through our minds. I showed him a picture of Nahuel. _Yes aunt Carmen and Kate think I might be his brother. They found me in spain when I looked about a year old  
How old are you?_  
_I'm 4 years old you?  
7 years old. Obviously the boys age quicker than the girl. Just like we aren't venomous but boys are_ Really  
wow strange isn't it. He grinned _So who are you getting married to?_  
I grinned _A werewolf_ Dayco's face just dropped  
'Wow Nessie you're up early this morning aren't you. Those are the bl-' His eye's settled on Dayco and his features looked shocked 'He's another half breed!?!'


	9. Naked Werewolf

**Hey guys! AS YOU PROBABLY GUESSED THE WEDDING WILL BE COMMING SOON! AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF FUNNY IDEAS FOR THE DAY SO MAIL ME (DONT REVIEW YOUR IDEA) WITH SOME IDEAS OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN AND IF I LIKE THEM THEY'LL GO IN THE STORY! YOUR NAME WILL BE MENTIONED**

**Disclamer: Me not own Twilight, Edward or any of the other characters. Me and Edward have just blindfolded and tied up Jacob and left him in a feild ::D**

RenesmeePOV  
"Jacob can you PLEASE calm down!" I've been shouting this for half an hour. He cannot get it through his fur ball of a brain that I'm not gonna run off with some half-breed.  
"Why should I calm down!?! There's a MALE half-breed coming to our wedding." He was about to punch a wall, but a grabbed his arm just in time.  
"Jacob that half-breed is YOUNGER than me. I prefer older men." I smirked, He sighed "Jake it's not like Nahuel is coming is it." He pulled me in to kiss him.  
"I guess you're right."

_Huilen and Nahuel, these two years have been to long!_ Carlisle beamed. I groaned as soon as his name was mentioned. Jacob let me go and growled.  
"Jacob you sound like my mom when you growl." I said it jokingly but he really does. Then again she goes growl very manly.  
"I'm not in the mood for joking Renesmee." I nearly had a heart attack Jacob called me by my actual name. "Where's your Father"  
"Near the meadow hunting why?" Confused "Because he's the one who invited him." He said through his teeth. I know my dad hates Jacob but come on he wouldn't sink THAT low "I heard him betting with Emmett the other day. And he said he had an idea up his sleeve. So see you later Nessie." He ran to the window, that STILL isn't fixed.  
"Jake not the win-" He was out "dow."

_So where is Renesmee I want to- _Thudd _Um did anyone else see that?_ Nahuel asked  
_Werewolf dropping from the sky?_ Carlisle asked  
_Don't worry dear that happens a lot round here_ Esme finished calmly. Nahuel couldn't even form a sentence

I ran down the stairs. I was not happy.  
"Renesmee!" Nahuel came over quickly and hugged me "Your still growing, you're going to be older than me soon!" He laughed I was not in the mood.  
"Uh-Huh." I said in reply Aunt Rosalie snickered into her hand as she walked by "Dad is bigg trouble." I whispered to her, again she snickered "Please excuse me Nahuel I have a father to beat up."

_Eddie's gonna get it _Whackk _Bella, there was no need!_ I heard Uncle Em shout as I ran to backhand my father. Urgh Jacob's right there's pure evil in my dad's cold little heart. I ran there quicker than I was earlier. When I got there dad was just finishing a mountain lion.  
"Dad I would like a word with you!" I said in a voice I hope sounded angry.  
"Not before I get a word in Nessie." Jacob was walking towards dad. Dad turned round and looked shocked. I followed his gaze and just laughed.  
"Jake *snicker* um you *snicker* might want this." I threw the hat I had on to him. He caught it and realised what I was laughing at. When he phased he forgot to take his underwear; he was butt naked.  
He grabbed it and put it over himself "Awww man!" My dad tried to growl but ended up snickering as well "Nessie'll be back later." Jacob said through his teeth and dashed off, still naked.  
"Now Nessie what did you want to talk about?" Dad up his arm around me.  
I shrugged it off "You inviting Nahuel!" Dad gulped


	10. Embry's Gonna Get It

**Hey guy next chapter up! WifeSwap Vampire Editon has ended :(**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any other characters. Ok Ima run now Jacob's back and doesn't look happy! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH **

JacobPOV  
"Ebmry lemme in! Or atleast look out the window! I know you're in there I've seen your curtain's twitching!" I whispered it's like 6am people are gonna be out here soon, and all I've got is this stupid hat.  
"Jacob it's 6am Lisa's sleeping. So am I." I could hear him whisper. I was stood on his porch roof.  
"Emb." I looked around "I'm naked out here all I have is Nessie's hat to cover my er little wolf." I heard him snickering. Ah great there gonna take the mick now!  
"Little? I didn't think you of all people would admit that." When I get my hands on him.  
"Stop making jokes Emb and open the window!" I heard him get up and groan "Fine hold on a mi-" He stopped like I when I heard the car slow down. I looked over my shoulder and there sat in the car with a flash light was two cops.  
"Er hi officer. I-" One got out the car, taking his glasses off; it was Charlie.  
"Jacob is that you?" Charlie asked shocked. I turned round slowly holding the hat in place. He snickered, thats her dad AND her grandad now thats seen me in the nude greattt.  
"Heyyy Charlie." I saluted but dropped the hat! As I went to pick it up I FELL off the roof into a bush! Embry was in fits of laughter i could see him through the curtains, Charlie noticed to and shone the light in.  
"Is Jacob with you sir?" Embry poked his head out the window looked down at me then to Charlie and looked confused.  
"Why no officer never met this man in my life"  
Charlie came over to me picked me up "I'm sorry to have to do this Jake I really am." He HANDCUFFED me! And helped me into the car!  
Embry was in the window trying not to laugh and waved as the the car started to go. Phone in his other hand "Stop filming me Embry! I'll get you for this!"

RenesmeePOV  
"Oh. Well Nessie he did save the family's life you know." Dad said. Pfft like I don't know.  
"I know that Dad but he's convinced that we're ment for each other." I showed him the memory of the last time he was here.

Flashback  
Me and him on my bed chatting I looked about 14.  
So Nahuel any girlfriends lately?  
No not any girls I like except you.  
Nahuelll Just 'cause I'm the only female half-breed that isn't realated to you doesn't we hav to go out!  
Renesmee we belong together! We're both half-breeds we're perfect.  
I don't care  
He grabbed me and kissed me. I try to puch him off. Mom walks in sees it, grabs him and throws him threw the open window.

Downstairs Creekk Um... I...you..Nahuel did you just FALL from the sky? Rosalie asked  
No Bella threw me out of Nessie's window Nahuel said camly  
Oh..ok No Emmett its not raining half breeds! (Haha see what I did there XD) Rosalie called  
End Of Flash Back

Dad sighed "Well Nessie I don't agree with forcefull kissing." Then he muttered "And at least you didn't punch a werewolf in the face for it like your mother."  
"What?" The hell is he on about  
"Nothing Nessie anyway I agree with Nahuel you two are the same"  
"DAD I AM MARRYING JACOB WEATH-" My cell started to ring in my pocket 'Caller ID Grampa C' I looked at the time 6:20 am "Hold on Dad grampa's ringing me"  
"Hello Grampa"  
"Hey Renesmee you weren't asleep were you?"  
"Nope don't worry. What's wrong"  
"Well on my shift this morning, I came across Jacob-"  
"What?!? Is he ok!" I panicked.  
"He's fine he just need's picked up I've paid his bail money." Bail money? why does he need bailing out?  
"Why? What's he done"  
"He"  
_Charlie don't tell her please it's bad enough the whole reservation's gonna know in a few hours._ Was that Jake?  
"Well you should of thought of that before-"  
_Aww c'mon Charlie gimme a break it's not like I'm not already embarressed!  
_"Sorry Jake it-" I coughed down the phone "Sorry Renesmee. Ok He's been done for public indecency. We found him on someone's porch roof eariler trying to get in. Can you come pick him up, I don't wanna bother Billy.."  
"Ok Grampa I'll be there in 10 bye." I shut the phone. Dad lifted a questioning eyebrow "Like you haven't already read my mind Dad."  
He just started laughing "I didn't till just then"  
I rolled my eyes and started to run "I'm going to pick him up...and I'm taking some of your clothes for him"  
"Ok. Wait what! I don't think so I don't want that mutt anywhere near my clothes!"


	11. Bella's Underwear And War

**Hey guys heres the next chapter I gotta go out so since it's small I MIGHT get chance to update later...NO PROMISES**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight, Edward or any of the other charaters. I tried getting Alice to cheat and find out the answers to my test...but she back handed me :'(**

RenesmeePOV  
I managed to wrestle a pair of jeans, mom's boxers (Yes you can buy women's boxers) and Dad's eldest shirt from dad. I had to have mom pin him down but it worked.  
Grampa was sat next to Jake who had a towel rapped around him.  
"Hey Grampa." I Hugged him and just sighed at Jake "Jake why didn't you go home."  
He stood up holding the towel firmly " It was getting light and Dad's was too far away so I headed for Embry"  
Grampa interupted him "And ended up on some poor man's roof"  
"Charlie I keep telling you! It was Embry's house, he lied!" Jake said through his teeth, Charlie sighed.  
"Grampa was the garden doused with red paint?" I asked, I wanted to get home as soon as possible.  
"I think so"  
"Yep that was Embry's C'mon if you found your naked best friend on your porch roof and the cops pulled up would you admit to knowing him"  
"Good point Renesmee." Charlie pointed to the door "Go Jake and don't let me catch you here again." Jacob got up to walk off "Erm Jacob I'm gonna need that towel back"  
Jake looked at the clothes in my hands sniffed and wrinkled his nose "Do I HAVE to wear his clothes"  
"Jake I'm not taking you home naked its bad enough both your father-in-law AND grandfather-in-law have see you naked I don't need the rest of them seeing you like that" I said throwing the clothes to him "Plus it's not ALL dad's clothes the boxers are mom's." Everyone even the people in the cells were laughing  
He growled "I'll meet you in the car"  
I smiled "Later Grampa."

The car journey to Jake's was silent, he was still annoyed about the underwear thing. I stopped outside Billy's. Jacob ripped the clothes off and ran for the house "Later Jacob!" I snarled.  
_Er Jacob would you like to tell me why you came in at 10 to 7 in a morning naked?_ I heard Billy ask then a door slam _Morning Renesmee_ Billy called  
'Morning Billy' I said as I drove off.

I was back at our house 15 minutes later. Dad was sat on the doorstep sulking, I was gonna say somthing but I'm still pissed off about him inviting Nahuel.  
Mom came straight up to me and I handed her the clothes "Your dad still sulking"  
"Yeah. What is he sulking over anyway"  
"Alice had a vision of you and Jacob actually getting married. He was hoping that you wouldn't." Sounds like dad

_Pay up Edward you owe me Rose and Jazz $7000 each. The Mutts still alive!_ Emmett boomed  
_Double or nothing that when we gate chrash his stag night tonight I can seriously injure him!_ Dad said excitedly  
_Deal oh this is going to be fun!_  
"You guys to anything to bad and so help me I'll-"  
Dad cut me off "Fine we'll go get the mutt now." I heard them get into the volvo Ohhh this means war!


	12. Special News

**OK People READ THIS!!!!**

**So BiteMeCullenJustDoIt has came up with a cool idea: an Oscar type compotision. Yes I'm been added but she needs more stories SO if you know ANY GOOD ones MAIL her the name. Closind date is Wednesday 1st of April! **

**Get and do as I say or else *Crazy Eyes***

**Haha so yeah randomly If you're a Final Fantasy Crisis Core fan you'll know Genesis so what you think of my coat...HAND MADE by my NAN cuz I'm so cool.....**

.?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=416243305&albumID=139633&imageID=11347858


	13. Revenge Is Sweet Real Chapter

**Hey guys sorry it took so long to update I've been really busy but I'm getting back into the swing of things!**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight**

RenesmeePOV  
'They're home!' I shouted dragging Dad and Nahuel back into the house, Uncle Em and Jasper trailing behind. Oh I caught up with them alright.  
I managed to swerved out in front of them, flipping their car over atleats 10 feet in the air; Dad's volvo is totaled. Luckily there was no one to spot the crazyness...although I would have loved to have seen Grampa's face when their car flipped over. Then again he would probably have been hoping to see Dad being taken out on a strecther...heading to the morgue. 8 years and he's still not over the forest/Itally fiasco.  
'Renesmee your grounded.' Dad snarled as he walked off in a worse mood then before.  
'Whatever Dad.' I laughed. Emmett and Jasper were still talking about the whole thing.  
'It's going on YouTube man! It was like being in a movie!' Uncle Em was hyper about it, has been the ride home. They high fived each other. Men *sigh*  
'Renesmee remind me never to get in a car with you.' Nahuel said pretty much scared. Huh as soon as I'm married I'm hoping to never set eye's on his horney halfbreed face again. Mom came out with an eyebrow raised and just sighed when uncle Em showed her the video.  
'Renesmee did you have to destory the Volvo?' I simply shrugged happy with myself as I went back to my room. I was completely drained thanks to the Adam's family. Urgh they're probably plotting Revenge down there...

EdwardPOV  
11 years I had that car and it took her 6 seconds to ruin it.  
_Oh man when her boot tapped us was the best! I wish I'd got Eddie's face on camera_ I growled at Emmett's thoughts. I TRY to teach my daughter to behave but we live with IT...she's doomed.  
'Edward I..um was wondering if you wanted this.' Nahuel grimanced handing me my steering wheel; the costum made one I had with I and Bella's wedding aniversary inscribed. This just made my anger worse so much I nearly snapped it. I yanked Nahuel from the room with me before gathering Emmett and Jasper who of course sent out calming waves but they couldn't even touch the barrier of anger I had up.  
_Jeez Edward it was only a car_ He thought mentally  
'Cottage NOW.' I said firmly but in a tone so low only Nahuel Jasper and Emmett could hear 'We have a plan to concoct.'

EmmettPOV  
We left the cottage all hyper. The plan for tomorrow is going to be amazing. The mutt won't know what hit him. Even better Youtube'll be getting the rights! Eddie's so evil when he wants to be MUWAHAHA

**

* * *

  
:O Cliff hanger! If you want a sneak peak before everyone else...review.**


	14. The Wedding

**Hey guys!...Yeah I no I lied...sorry about that *backs away from flaming torches and pitchforks***

Sorry I've been uber busy but this next week the wedding chapter should be up. ANYONE GOT ANY IDEAS? Lemme no and I'll put it in along with your name so people know!

**This week is gonna get me back into the swing of stuff I promise and feel free to SPAM me if I'm not getting back into the swing of updates especially if you have read WifeSwap you guys know what i was like; nightly updates dedications, recomendations ect ect**

**Um thats it me thinks...I hast a new story up Drowning In Her Shaddow btw **

**  
Ruthus....NOT Rufus Shinra...dam friends *Computer Glare***


	15. Wedding From Hell Part 1

**Hey guys! Here it is as promised. Yes it will be in parts but ya no. Reviews = Previews if you want them and you'll need to sign in.  
Check out this site just actually put the dots in www[dot]yourownstories[dot]webs[dot]com my friend Jashley made it, its really good!  
If you're a WifeSwap Vampire Edition fan check out Twilight WifeSwap by tis good :)**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight I just lend zee characters and make them cray-z lol**

NessiePOV  
I was sat there in the bathroom dreading what Aunt Alice is going to do to me today. Mom's told me the horror stories; she maybe small but she's ninja inside.  
'Ok I'm here.' I heard her say and watched as a moving pile of cosmetic's came towards me. There was no escape especialy since I was tied to the chair! She looked at the time, she wasn't even dressed herself just in a bathrobe '3 hours hmm.' She stared at me like a vultur waiting for its food.  
She was on me like a mad woman. Lipstick, gloss, blusher the whole lot. I don't think one thing she brought in wasn't used, I didn't even see half of it she worked to quick.

After what seemed like those three hours but happened to be one she took a step back and looked me over. I could tell if it was possible for her to cry she would be.  
'Nessie you look...beauiful.' Was all she said. I knew Mom was on the otherside door trying not to rip it down and see me, I know how she feels. 'Ok hair next.' Aunt Alice said. Pulling out of seemingly no where a bunch of hair products.  
There was crimping, pulling, straintning then came the moose, spray or whatever else she used. It choaked me, how the hell humans survive that stuff I'll never know! She was finaly done after another hour and a half. She undid the ties and handed me a mirror.  
I couldn't help but stare at the girl in the mirror, sHe looked beautiful. I couldn't belive it, I had red lipstick on that seemed glossy and my eyes just stood out. The hair was all curly except the fringe which was straight. Aunt Alice delicately put the veil on and a dry sob came out.

Next thing I knew the door broke open and there was mom stood in her blood red dress. Her mouth dropped wide open and she ran over to me pulling me into a tight hug ignoring the snarl from Aunt Alice.  
'Hunny you look amazing. A hell of a lot better than me on my wedding day.' She two started dry sobbing. I'm not the soppy type and if I was aunt ALice might just gut me!

After all the dry sobbing they finally left and I got dressed. I stood infront of the mirror. I'd made it i was getting married. Theer was a knock at the door.  
'Come in!' I said as dad stepped in shutting the door behind him. He was in a white Tux yet it didn't clash with his skin, it was a bit like the one he wore to his wedding but in a differnt colour I turn round 'SO what you think'  
'You look gorguse.' He kissed my forehead then sighed 'I'm sorry we have to do this.' Was all he said.  
'What do you mea-.' Next thing I knew there was a flash and a sack came over my head. Oh shit they're kidnapping me!

**Sorry it's short I'm not very well will update 2moz. Pictures are on my profile...well the links anyway. I've updated it by the way go check it out!**


	16. Wedding From Hell Part 2

**Hey guys! Sorry about the last chapter I was REALLY ill! This should be bette feel free to moan. If you have anymore ideas for what should happen lemme no! Pic of stuff on Profile!**

**Please Read:  
I'd like to take this moment to pay respect to a English celebrity named Jade Goody she lost her battle to Cervical Cancer on Mother's Day. She showed her final months on TV for two reasons so her two sons will have a good life and to make people realise what cancer can do. R.I.P Jade you're now in Heaven and will never feel pain again.**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight**

JacobPOV  
I made my way to the front. Seems like ALice has run a muck again; I can't see one place with either no flowers or purple ribbon. Sigh that in-law will be the death of me; unless Edward gets hold of me. I swear that dam blood suckers planning something, he kept smirking at me earlier!  
Embry came and stood next to me as people started to take their places. Blondie, Alice and Esme took their stances in their purple bridesmaid dresses, since Nessie hardley bothers with anyone non-bloodsucker she asked them to be bridesmaids. I get to look at the Blonde give me evil's all the serivce...joy.  
Charlie was sat near the front but Bella's mom didn't come since a couple of years back we had to adress the whole Bella thing...she thinks she died with Edward in a Hurricane. Not the most delightful of times since we had to convince a four year old looking Nessie that her parents were dead....

The place carried on filling with bloodsuckers and werewolves. I stood there trying not to laugh you could just see the hatred comming off both sides even if we were on one side of chairs and the blood suckers on another. I don't even think Jasper could calm these lot down I looked at the clock, it was 10 minutes past the time the service was supposed to start. 15..20. I looked around. Both Quil and Embry gave me a questioning look. Thats when I noticed Emmett and that stupid Nahuel was missing. The other half breed was sat there...trying to look up the Blonde's dress...kids. Alice's face froze over for a second before she tugged my shirt sighing.  
'They're up to something. Edward, Emmett and Nahuel.' She whispered. I growled low but agrily, ALice's mate Jasper nodded and comfirmed what I'd heard. Well at least he'd stayed out of it.  
'I'll be back, stall the show somehow.' I whispered to Quil, ALice and Embry. That half breed is SO going to get it. I ran down the aile.

NessiePOV  
'OK guys funs over.' I growled aww man is Aunt Alice gonna be pissed they've messed my hair up; if I don't kill them she will.  
'Renesmee you are not marrieing the mutt!' Dad growled as they pulled me through the forest. Looking at his watch I was already 10 minutes late for the wedding. Jake better not think I've ran away or I skin him!  
'Dad if I have to marry him in Vagus I will.' I said warningly. I could hear Nahuel snickering 'And Ima feed you two the pack I'm pretty sure they wouldn't mind eating you.' I growled he just laughed. 'Where are we going'  
'The cottage.' Dad mumbled I just laughed 'Yeah because he won't come looking there dad.' Dad said nothing but dragged me into the Cottage shutting the door behind him. That when we heard Jake's angry howl...oh this is so a wedding from hell!


	17. Wedding From Hell Part 3

**Hey guys! Sorry I've been so ill the past couple of days then I had a family party - What a joy that was gah - and I had to finnish my college project whihc was cool i made a mini movie! So once again SORRY**

**Oh and *crys* WifeSwap Vampire Edition is finnaly complete ALSO I don't know whats going to happen with Anything You Do**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilgiht**

Alice POV  
20 minutes late where the hell are Nessie and Edward?! I got a vision, Edward and Nahuel had Nessie running through the forest. Her hair was a mess...oh when I get my hands on them I'll kill them. I sepnt HOURs on that.  
'They're up to something. Edward, Emmett and Nahuel.' I whispered to Jacob. I could hate that mutt all I want but if Nessie wants to marry him she will. Jasper nodded in a agreement that they were up to them...so he's in on it? I shot him a look 'Later your doomed.' I growled so low only he could hear.  
'I'll be back, stall the show somehow.' Jacob whispered to us before running off.  
'We're Vampires not miricle workers.' I growled under my breath making Rosalie snicker. How in the hell was I going to stall? These people are mythological creatures not much will scare them...  
I pulled Jasper over a big smile on my face, he tensed.  
'Japser fill the room with hate.' He looked at me like I should be back in the asylum from my past 'Just do it and run.' I tapped Rosalie's shoulder she turned round stroking her hair 'The hatered you're about to feel, fight it.' She raised an eyebrow as Jasper grabbed me we stood at the back.  
A few moments later the room erupted in arguments. ANyother day I would laugh but since I'd decorated this room myself and know it was about to be ruined I stare on in wonder...Stupid werewolf and vampire in-laws!

JacobPOV  
I was in the forest in a flash. Fumming, Edward had gone to far this time WAY to far. Kidnapping Nessie on our wedding day, using that half-breed. I growled at the thought when I get my hands on it.  
I caught their scent they were heading to the cottage; smart hiding place. I picked up my speed nearly hitting a couple of trees as we flew past. I was at the door in less than a few minutes. I didn't knock I just rammed into it smirking and resisting the urge to laugh at Edward face.

NessiePOV We weren't in the cottage a few minutes before Jacob broke the door down; literally. We all stared at him for a moment.  
'Hunny I'm home.' He smirked. I could hear the snarl erupting from Dad. Hahah plan ruined. 'I'd like my bride to be back Edward!'


	18. Wedding From Hell Part 4

**Hey guys! SOrry for the wait dam computer and college grr! I was going to update last night but some idoit let me watch Moon Child - Japanese movie Staring Hyde and Gackt MUST SEE! - for like the 100th time and well I get not only to into it but the ending makes me cry ect so you see my pedicument?  
Once again my bad!**

**PLease cheack my FAQ on my profile for some IMPORTANT news!**

**Disclamer I don't own Twilight**

JacobPOV  
Edward snarled. If he was human he'd look like a tomatoe right now.  
'Over my already dead body will you be marring my daughter.'Edward said smothly. In that case I can gladly make him a coffin. He obviously heard my thoughts with his growl I heard.  
'I came here to talk it out Edward. Now you managed to get Bella but Nessie is MINE.' I smiled but saw Nessie face palm. Probably not the thing she wants to hear on her wedding day... 'And Cassanova the half breed isn't keeping her either.' Nessie gave me a look 'Oh C'mon you didn't guess his plan'  
Nessie let out a small growl of her own before standing up and punching Nahuel in the face. I burst out laughing, she hit him hard enough to fly backwards 'I should have givven you to the wolves the day you got here.' She snarled. I noticed even the full bloodsucker smiled at that. 'Dad I'm marring Jacob today weather you like it or not.'

RenesmeePOV  
That was it a punched Nahuel straight in the jaw. 'I should have givven you to the wolves the day you got here.' I snarled, dam it felt good I've been waiting to do that for the past couple of years. I let out a growl before turning round to my father 'Dad I'm marring Jacob today weather you like it or not.' I'd had enough of this stupid kidnap and arguing buisness. I lay my hand on Dad's cheek and showed him how much I loved Jacob. All the times he babysat or took me places. The day he proposed everything although I did have to edit certain parts or Dad really would have a reason to kill Jake.  
I felt him sigh 'Fine. But Jacob if you do ONE thing bad I'll skin you alive over a pit of raccons!' Dad growled while givving the best evils I'd ever scene.  
I walked over to Jake and hugged him 'Dad I think Aunt Alice is going to beat you to it for what you've done to my hair.' I laughed but we all knew I wasn't joking; no one in their right mind destorys her 'creations'. 'We'd better get going, the service was supposed to start half an hour ago!' I tugged him out and telling Dad to not only hurry up but to leave Nahuel where he was so I didn't have the urge to kill him.

We were about half way back when Uncle Emmett came running up to us. I heard Jake growl and realised he must have been in on this to. Must resist the urge to maim must resist I kept saying in my mind.  
'Renesmee enough.' Dad said calmly 'Emmett a bit late! Oh well the service is going ahead anyway'  
Uncle Emmett burst out laughing for some reason 'Um Eddie were going to have a problem with that.' Jake and I gave him a questioning look but Dad growled at what ever he saw in Unlce Em's mind.  
'She LET Jasper do that?!' Dad gasped and started to run; we followed.

The shouts were loud even for vampire hearing. As we egded closer to he house we realised why Dad had run; especially when we dodged a chair that flew out of the window. We walked into the house...all hell had broken loose!

**A/N SO I think this'll end in about 2-3 chapters :( in that case if I get atleast 101 reviews by the end of this story I'll do a bonus chapter :)...I promise it won't take as long as WifeSwap's did XD My Bad**


	19. Finally Getting There

**Hey Guys! Yup this is the SECOND to last chapter, the FINAL one will be up tonight. HAPPY EASTER! Don't Forget to make you're self sick with Easter Eggs! I know I am :D**

Oh yeah sorry that I promised you this last night but lets just say the next chapter is a little different you'll see!

Disclamer: I don't own Twilight

RenesmeePOV  
Aunt ALice was the first to spot us and looked ready to explode 'Edward what in the hell have you done to Nessie's hair!!!' She snarled I just knew Dad was thinking of running away right now.  
Rosalie tapped aunt Alice's shoulder 'Um Alice you take Nessie and get her sorted while the rest of us clean the other room.' Aunt Alice grabbed me and stormed off. She had me in some form of vice grip as she pulled me upstairs.

JacobPOV  
We walked into the room..the place was trashed what in the hell had they done in about half an hour!? Most chairs were either over turned or lying in pieces. Decorations were torn, flowers smushed into the floor...how Esme never mind Alice has let this happen I'll never know!  
I started to pick up the chairs but another fight was starting to break out. Bloodsucker against wolf..Emmett against Paul. Alice's mate came running in and sending out calming waves before Paul phazed and ate the damn bloodsucker...what a dam shame that'd be! EDward growled at me from the side as he was putting up a decoration.  
_Well stop reading my mind then!_ I growled in my mind and heard him mutter something about skinning me..again. I just rolled my eyes and carried on. Oh what a joy they we're going to have putting up with me for the rest of eterity!

It took about 10 minutes after the fighting had ceased to clean up and get people seated. We got back into position and Edward scurried of to get Nessie. A few seconds later the music started and we all looked to the doors.

RenesmeePOV  
I stood behind the doors more nervous then ever. I took a deep breath and Dad appeared next to me. He linked his arm with mine before kissing the top of my head. The music started to play.  
'I want to give you some valuble words before we go.' Dad smiled. I nodded 'A marrige is a big thing Nessie. It's to be enjoyed and stands for love.' My eyes were about to water but I kept the tears in. He was givving me the perfect speech 'So what I need to say is this; If he in anyway ruins either of those two things. A rolling pin, crowbar, bucher's knife, vice and any other kitchen or work bench utensil will work perfectly to beat him back to shape.' He said smugly I couldn't help but laugh though I did elbow him lightly. The doors swung open and we took our first two steps in before heading down the aisle.

**Don't forget get me to 101 reviews and I'll do a BONUS chapter!**


	20. Teh End

**Hey Guys! Yup this is the LAST chapter :'( I'ma miss it. Thank you everyone for the reviews, adds, favourites, and alerts! Ima miss you guys! If you still wanna talk just message me :)  
HAPPY EASTER! Don't Forget to make you're self sick with Easter Eggs! I know I am :D**

**PLEASE READ TIS IMPORTANT:  
Ok so since I CAN NOT write fluff to save my life because if I did...one of these people would end up dieing somehow XD And we'd have the classic 'Noo!' 'I love you *dies*' sanario. So my good friend Alexia (Who is new to the Twilight universe) has wrote the fluff XD Hence the reson her name crops up *rolls eyes* ....I do apologuise for the overload XD**

**Disclamer: I don't own Twilight**

Jacob's POV  
I could hardly believe this angel was made for me. The clergyman's voice droned on like background noise. I don't think I took 1 word in, let alone remember his name. Not that it mattered. This past week had me so nervous I could probably recite the whole ceremony backwards in Greek thanks to the research I did to keep myself occupied. But I digress. What was the reason for my total lack of attention? The beautiful creature in front of me. I never noticed in such detail the intricacy her beauty had from being both vampire and human. And my heart thudded against my ribs as the recognition dawned. She was mine. My Nessie, my human, my vampire, my LIFE.  
"I do." I said slightly hoarse as tears pricked my eyes. Tears that I forced down. I watched her perfect mouth move as mine had previously, allowed myself to be lost in the pools of emotion that were her eyes. I could no longer restrain the immeasurable desire to hold her closer than ever before, to touch her, to kiss her, to send her head reeling.  
"You may now kiss the..." My mouth was already over hers, kissing her as passionately as I could. 7Years ago I had lost Bella. At the time I had thought I would never be whole again. Now, I felt more than whole. The whole audience erupted into cheers, wolf whistles from my friends. But I didn't hear them. Right now, there was only her and me, in a world far apart from any social norms or rules. She was all I ever wanted. Now I had her.

RenesmeePOV  
He was beautiful. I had always thought so but seeing him there, in that suit, eyes tender and warm and flooded with emotions; skin slightly flushed out of embarrassment or excitement, which I wasn't sure. Finally I understood the love my mother had for my father. I didn't think I, or any vampire could feel something so pure as what I feel for Jacob. But here I was, drowning in this feeling.  
"I do." He said, his voice as smooth as satin, and my heart leapt. This all seemed ridiculously like a fairytale, I would wake up at any moment...But the illusion didn't fade and neither did he. He remained there, a being of ultimate perfection as I said my own 'I do'. After everything that had happened, I hadn't thought this would have gone ahead. After everything that had happened, I didn't think he would still want me. But when he kissed me, before the clergyman had even finished, my breath flew from my chest and my heart thudded faster and faster until I was sure it would burst and fly away. So much passion, so much raw emotion, it actually made me cry. To think that he could ever feel as much for me as I did for him...It was beyond a dream, beyond a fairytale. And yet somehow amazingly true. I honestly felt faint from the sheer force of that one kiss, and if he hadn't pulled away at that moment, I think I would have collapsed. We were only apart for a second before he brought me against him in a hug that would crush any normal human to dust..  
"I love you." He whispered roughly in my ear. "So much..." My hands linked behind his neck, and I used my gift to show him how I felt in return. Words could not describe this.  
"Almost as much as I love you." I whispered in return. He chuckled wolfishly.  
"You wish." He said back, before pressing his lips to mine in another mind boggling breath taking kiss.

EdwardPOV  
[I was wrong...] I realised looking at my daughter and son-in-law together. [No two people are better suited. Well, except...] Alexia hugged me tightly.  
"Isn't this perfect?" She murmured softly in my ear. I turned my head and softly kissed her head.  
"Yes." I agreed. "As perfect as you." She chuckled softly before kissing me gently. But we both knew that this was the highest praise I would, and could ever give. In my heart I hoped that their future together would be as bright and filled with hope as ours has been.

**And the last bit from me**

RenesmeePOV  
We ran up the asile together laughing. We stopped at the door to have a picture taken. Just as the flash went of hell broke loose again. EVERYTHING they had fixed broke! The decorations dropped flowers drooped. Some of the chairs broke especially uncle Emmett's sending him on his ass and Aunt Rosalie down with him. We heard a creak and the arch caved. Luckily Jake pulled me out of the way only to hear another ripping sound as we walked off and a camera flashed while a roar of laughter came from behind us. We turned round and I saw it. Dad was smiling with a camera the thing had caught Jake's suit, ripping it and reavealing his boxers...MOM's boxers that I lent him the other day.  
'Damn bloodsucker!' He snarled and lunged at Dad.  
I just groaned 'Here we go again!'

**Remember get me to 101 reviews and I'll do a BONUS...that or a few more people ask XD**


	21. New Story!

**Heya People!**

**Due to the vote I've done a Cullen MSN or AIM!**

**I'm also working on a new story that should be up in a couple of days!**

The Bonus Chapter will be up this week * Fingers crossed*

**Anything You Do has been removed untill I can speak with Star Studded.**

**Thats it me thinks.....HAPPY EASTER!**

**Rufus Shinra**

**P.S It messed up on WifeSwap grr**


	22. Bonus Chapter Problemos!

**Hey my long waiting little friends!  
**

**Gah sorry guys gotta gonna be a little longer with the chapter computers F**ked I'm using my friends laptop I do apologuise but it might be the weekend when its fixed**

**Also I'm taking down Anything You Can Do because my co writer and I planned out the chpaters but my comp fucked and I lost it all GAH and she hasn't been on MSN for a while so I can't get the chat logs off her! I have no luck with technolouge I swear...If terminator was just about to splice John Conner he'd probably leave him and come after me with my luck**

**Gah neway see you this weekend**

**Rufus Shinra  
P.s Feel free to spam me I understand XD**


	23. Bonus Chapter!

**Hey my long waiting little friends!  
**

**Sorry didn't mean to fool you he he**

**Ok people the bonus is now under A Week With The Family because I might make it into a sequel if you guys like it so go takes a look n let moi know!**

**Rufus Shinra**


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